


Outside of Love

by SouthSideStory



Series: At the End of All Things [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Background SasuSaku, F/M, Forced Abortion, Miscarriage, Political Intrigue, Rape/non-con mentionted, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:08:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthSideStory/pseuds/SouthSideStory
Summary: “Neji knows he’ll always be on the outside looking in, a spectator to Hinata’s love.”Set in The Valley of the End universe.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Hyuuga Neji, Hyuuga Neji/Original Female Character(s)
Series: At the End of All Things [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842268
Comments: 25
Kudos: 52





	Outside of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings for miscarriage and forced abortion. Please mind these warnings, as the miscarriage scene is fairly detailed. Rape/non-con is also mentioned briefly.
> 
> This story features unrequited NejiHina and Neji/OC with some background SasuSaku. It’s part of the At the End of All Things series, aka the TVOTE ‘verse. This oneshot runs concurrent with Chapters 16 to 19 of The Valley of the End, and if you’re not reading TVOTE it will probably be difficult to follow.
> 
> As I also stated in TVOTE Chapter 18, I have shamelessly ripped off [Sintari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginalSintari/pseuds/Sintari)'s story [Rosemary for Remembrance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8388919/chapters/19218673), which is my Hyuuga Bible. Although I’m handling it differently, I got the idea of Hyuuga mothers having difficult pregnancies from her fic. If you haven’t read RfR and NejiHina is remotely your bag, I can’t recommend it highly enough.

.

.

"You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart."

_\- Franz Kafka -_

.

.

She draws invisible lines on the astronomy of his body, tracing this star to that one until she builds a constellation anew.

Neji was only gone for five weeks, but it feels much longer to Hana. Now she runs her finger from the freckle on his left shoulder up to the one at the nape of his neck, thankful that he made it home safe. His hair spills loose across her pillows, thick but silky, and easily three times as long as hers.

She cut it while he was away. She looks enough like Hinata without wearing her hair down to her waist too.

"You have new freckles on your shoulders," Hana says. "Did you train outside shirtless while you were in Suna?"

He huffs. "For one day. Long enough to get burned. The sun in the desert is something else. After that I kept my shirt on."

Hana leans down and kisses the crest of his shoulder blade. She grins against his skin as she says, "I'm sure that disappointed the women of Suna."

"I don't think so," Neji says. "They looked at me like I had two heads. I suppose they found the byakugan unsettling."

Hana hums. He isn't wrong. Outsiders never look her in eye, as if that will keep her from seeing through them. Mostly, it amuses her, because if she wants to she can look under their skin, into their blood, down to their bones. But sometimes the repulsion of strangers stings.

"If they don't find you handsome, they must be stupid or blind."

Neji turns over and looks up at her. His eyes are identical to hers, of course, but although Hana sees nothing special in the mirror, Neji's eyes are different. If she was the sentimental sort, she could get lost in them.

He reaches up to touch her temple. Not her forehead, never her forehead, like the cursed seal she refuses to cover offends him.

"You cut your hair."

Hana does her best to keep her voice light when she says, "This is more practical. I'm running the hospital now that Tsunade and Sakura are traitors, and it kept getting in the way."

"Hm."

That's all she gets out of him. _Hm._

"Do you not like it?" Hana asks.

Not that she should care. She didn't cut it for him. Well, not exactly.

"You're beautiful," he says. "And your hair is too."

Hana bites her lip. _Beautiful_.

She knows why Neji is attracted to her, at least physically. Her father and Hinata's mother are—were—brother and sister. She and her cousin have the same small nose, oval face, and indigo hair. The same petite, soft figure. Hana keeps herself fitter than Hinata, but there's no way to diminish her generous bust and wide hips.

Even if she could, she wouldn't. Not when Neji touches her like _this_ , manhandling her to straddle his lap, then cupping her breasts. He's already fucked her twice, but five weeks is a long time to go without sex for either of them, and there's lost time to make up for.

Assuming it's been five weeks for him too.

"Did you sleep with anyone in Suna?" Hana asks.

When Neji only frowns, she hurries to say, "I won't judge you if you did. I know this isn't the kind of relationship where I should expect faithfulness, and—"

"I didn't sleep with anyone," Neji says.

His voice is so firm, carefully steady. He doesn't _sound_ angry, but he is. She can feel it in the way his hands grip her hips just a fraction tighter. Neji is so good at pushing down what he feels. Boxing his emotions, setting them on a closet shelf, then locking the door. Seeing even a hint of his temper is unusual.

"Oh. All right."

The silence between them stretches thin. The Hyuuga can't be matched when it comes to seeing. Communicating, on the other hand, is not a skill most of them come by easily.

Either they say too little or too much, and just now, Neji chooses too much when he whispers, "You don't have to worry about her, you know. She picked Naruto. She was always going to pick him."

Hana will not cry just because the man in her bed has so spectacularly missed the point.

"I'm not worried about Hinata," she snaps. "I'm not the one who's pining over somebody who can't love me."

It's the biggest lie she's ever told, but Neji swallows it and doesn't question the taste.

He sits up lightning quick and wraps his arms around her in a way that makes her feel trapped.

"Don't throw that in my face," Neji says. "Please."

He never says _please_. Never, not once that she can recall.

He must feel very, very desperate to beg.

Hana cups his cheek. "I'm sorry. That was cruel."

It didn't take her long to figure out that Neji loves Hinata, and it's also no secret to him that she knows, but this is the first time they've acknowledged that fact. Or that he thinks she might worry about him leaving her for Hinata.

Hana doesn't worry much about it. There's no point in trying to compete with Hinata, because she's already lost. Before Neji ever kissed her, touched her, even gave her a second glance, he was already in love with someone else.

Two years into this relationship—if it can be called that—Hana knows better than to expect things to change.

"Let's talk about something else," Neji says gently.

Hana steals a kiss, slow and lingering, and that's all it takes to make him hard again.

"Let's not talk at all," she whispers.

Neji happily obliges, and for a while Hana can forgive that she's not loved, because at least she's wanted. Neji might dream of Hinata, but he'll never give her poor, stuttering cousin this. Hinata will never know what he tastes like, or that his hands are every bit as skillful in bed as they are in battle.

It's not enough, but she'll take it. She'll grasp it with all her strength and pray she never has to let go.

.

.

Neji has an earlier day than Hana. She's been running herself ragged at the hospital, but she takes Tuesday mornings off, so today she gets to sleep in. He has a meeting with Hiashi in an hour, but he can't make himself get out of this bed just yet.

Hana sleeps on, vigilant eyes shut, her breathing even and slow. She's always beautiful, but never more so than in unguarded moments like this. She's a brave, brash girl—to an unseemly degree for the Branch House—but Neji knows better than anyone how soft her heart is. Although she hides it well, when she sleeps her vulnerability becomes more visible.

Not like Hinata, who can't hide her weaknesses from the world. She might as well wear her insecurities on a sign around her neck, as obvious as they are.

He doesn't want to think about Hinata.

Neji considers waking up Hana for lazy morning sex, but he isn't sure he has the energy for it. She was greedy last night, barely letting him rest between rounds of lovemaking. He thinks, not without some satisfaction, that she might be walking funny today.

He runs his fingers through her silky hair, so short now. It suits her better this way, he thinks, but he'll miss being able to wrap it around his hand.

Hana mumbles something that might be, "Pass the scalpel." She talks in her sleep sometimes. Mostly nonsense, orders clearly intended for lower ranking medics, and curse words. Occasionally, though, she'll say something meaningful.

Like the night before he left for his mission to Suna, when he told her how beautiful she was, and she whispered, "I love you."

He's been wondering whether it's true ever since.

Neji slips out of bed and gathers his clothes. Most kunoichi would wake up from their lover leaving the bed, he thinks, but not Hana. Of course, he can't know that for sure. She's his first and only, same as he's hers, so he can hardly compare.

He helps himself to an apple from the basket on her kitchen table on the way out. It's unpleasantly overripe, which means that Hana isn't eating her fruit before it can go bad. He poked around her cabinets last night and found them painfully bare—again. Too many hours at the hospital are clearly to blame. Taking care of so many sick people is going to kill her if he doesn't make her go grocery shopping and eat a real meal. If nothing else motivates her, he'll threaten her with his cooking.

Neji puts his worries about Hana out of his mind as he reaches the Main House mansion. It's ridiculously large for four people—three, now that Hinata is gone. Not so long ago, he resented this house and the people in it, but that time is over. He's made peace with his place in the world, and now the fierce jealousy he used to feel when he stepped foot on the mansion grounds is gone.

The shinobi on guard don't question him as he strides through the front doors. They all know who he is.

Neji finds Hiashi training Hanabi in the yard, as he does every morning at dawn. His little cousin is progressing quickly, although she isn't quite as skilled as he was at her age. Still, she'll make a strong Head of Hyuuga someday.

Even if she did steal the right to that title from her sister.

When Hiashi sees him, he waves over two shinobi to continue sparring with Hanabi, strides past Neji, and gestures for him to follow along.

"The news you brought from Suna is disappointing," Hiashi says, as they turn the corner from the training yard into the gardens. "We had high hopes that the Kazekage would turn away the rebels. What do you think swayed him?"

Sasuke asked the same question last night, when Neji gave his report in the Hokage's office.

"Naruto," he says. "As soon as he joined up with the resistance, Gaara made his decision."

Hiashi must already know this. Sasuke would have carried that answer into his emergency council meeting yesterday.

His uncle makes a low, irritated noise. "That boy is a thorn in my side. If Fugaku had any sense, he would have killed Minato and his upstart son when he discovered Kushina's treachery. But he was afraid of the Yellow Flash and desperate to keep a jinchuriki in Konoha's hands, so here we are."

Neji simply nods, following his uncle along the garden path. The stones beneath their feet are as old as the village, time worn and broken.

Hiashi stops, turns to him, and says, "The next time you have a mission like that, you report to me first. Not the Hokage."

For a moment, the seal beneath Neji's hitai-ate seems to sting. Which is all in his head, but that doesn't make it any less real.

"I will," Neji promises. "I'm sorry, Uncle."

Hiashi reaches out to a bush full of white roses. He plays with one of the petals in a manner that looks absent, but Neji knows it's not. His uncle does nothing absently.

"Did Hinata look well to you?" Hiashi asks.

Neji doesn’t clench his fists, even though fingers itch to curl.

"She seemed healthy and well cared for," Neji says.

Hiashi’s lips turn down at the corners. "Do you think she's dishonored herself with that boy?"

Neji remembers the intimate way Naruto took Hinata's hand, with the confidence and ease of a lover.

"I couldn't say."

And he can't. Even if he's fairly certain that Hinata would happily give Naruto everything, he also knows that she's still _Hyuuga_ from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, and proper Hyuuga women wait until marriage to have sex.

Neji can't help but think of Hana, then. Hana, who is a decidedly improper Hyuuga woman in nearly every way there is. Oddly, he finds her indecorous habits as charming as Hinata's modesty, and he isn't sure what to make of that.

Hiashi makes a _tch_ noise. "I was too soft on her. I won't make the same mistakes with Hanabi."

Neji searches for a diplomatic answer, because telling Hiashi he's glad that Hinata ran away won't end well for him.

He finally settles on, "I'm sure Hanabi will remain an obedient daughter."

That seems to please Hiashi, which is no surprise. There's very little that his uncle values more than obedience.

.

.

Hana likes her work. The hospital hours are demanding, and she prefers the more active thrill of combat over healing, but generally she enjoys practicing medicine.

There's one exception.

Tradition—although it might as well be law—demands that all Hyuuga marry within the clan, and that they marry before having children. What goes without saying is that if you break this rule and risk passing on the byakugan to an outsider's child, then that child will never be allowed to draw breath. It doesn't happen often—but it does happen sometimes, and Hana hates it.

The girl is only a year older than her, just nineteen, and she comes from a highkin family. No doubt they expected better than for their daughter to fuck a Nara boy and get pregnant. But she did, and now she's crying on a table in a Hyuuga clinic exam room, because Hiashi prefers to keep these matters in-house. When one of their clan's girls gets in trouble, they go here, not the Konoha hospital.

There's a whole speech she's required to repeat every time this happens, about how preserving and protecting the byakugan is the entire purpose of their clan. That keeping their doujutsu pure trumps all other concerns, and that there's no greater dishonor than sullying their lineage with outsider blood.

Hana is required to say these things to the mothers who will never be, but she ignores that order as she ignores many orders, and offers her comfort instead. The girl holds her hand and sobs, but she doesn't ask whether she has any other choice besides an abortion.

Choice is something a Hyuuga woman will never know.

_Soon_ , Hana thinks, as she hands over the pills that will bring an unwanted end to a wanted baby. _Soon, I'll never have to do this again._

She hopes that when Sasuke kills Hiashi, he doesn't make it quick.

.

.

Hana looks less like Hinata when she scowls. For one thing, Hinata almost never makes such a stormy expression. For another, the biggest differences in their appearance lie around the brow and mouth, and the lines of Hana's arched eyebrows and full lips grow bolder with her frowns.

"You look upset," Neji says. "Did something happen?"

Hana glares at the paperwork on her desk. He doubts that she's technically allowed to bring hospital business home, but he can't disapprove. At least this way she doesn't have to stay in the office late.

She sets down her pen, puts her head in her hands, and says, "One of our girls got pregnant by an outsider. I had to… take care of it today."

Neji clasps her shoulder, and he feels the tension ease out of her muscles at his touch.

"It's not your fault."

"I know," Hana says. "I still hate it, though. That tradition is vile. No woman should be forced to terminate a pregnancy—or keep one—if she doesn’t want to."

He knows that Hana takes a contraceptive shot, which is strictly forbidden. It's her choice, and Neji respects it. Agrees with it, even. He's not ready for marriage, much less fatherhood—but someday he will be.

"Do you ever want children?" Neji asks.

“Not with the way things are now. Maybe if our clan was different…” Hana shakes her head. “What about you?”

“Yes. Eventually, when I’m older and we're at peace again.” He considers saying more. If he was having this conversation with anyone else, he wouldn't. "I've been an orphan for most of my life, and I'm not close with the family I do have left." Except for Hinata, but first he hated her, and then he began to love her in ways that have nothing to do with their blood ties. "I want a family."

Hana reaches up and grasps the hand resting on her shoulder. "Then I—I hope you find a good woman and have as many children as you want."

Does she mean that? Or is she simply trying to save face?

"Take a break from work," Neji says. "Come to bed."

Hana smiles. "Are you going to help me forget my bad day?"

That's exactly what he does. He goes down on her first—something she rarely allows—and brings her to a slow, languid release that makes her whimper and writhe. Then she tugs him up her body and guides him between her legs. When they come together, they gasp in the same breath, and Neji takes a moment to just _feel_ her. There's nothing better than this, as much because of the intimacy as the pleasure.

And the way Hana looks up at him… it says what she won't.

_I love you._

Neji kisses her and rocks deep, taking as much as she'll give.

.

.

Ostensibly, it's poker night, and that's why a half dozen Branch House leaders are haunting her father's den on a Saturday night.

Truthfully, Hana has called a meeting to discuss overthrowing the Main House with the help of the Hokage.

Of the six of them, four—including Hana and her father—are lowkin. The other two are highkin. Youta is Lord Hiashi's own uncle, younger brother to old Lord Yousuke. Lines bracket his mouth and eyes, and his long hair shines silver, but he's as straight-backed and strong as a man half his age. Inviting him was a risk, but a necessary one. Without him and his daughter Moriko, the highkin will never fall in line. The other two lowkin leaders are Chinatsu and Kenta, a captain of Hiashi's guard and a war hero who once saved the Yondaime's life in battle.

Not for the first time, Hana has to admire the forethought that went into the oppression of the Branch House. The highkin are celebrated for their close blood ties to the Main House, and they enjoy certain privileges that the lowkin envy: better paying jobs, finer homes, more freedom. These things give the highkin the sense that they're better than the lowkin, and that breeds resentment on both sides. It's very smart, dividing them so they're too busy hating one another to hate the Main House as much as it deserves. Which is why getting the lowkin and the highkin to work together is nearly impossible.

But _nearly_ isn't _completely_ , and Hana has never met a challenge she didn't relish facing.

"This sounds too good to be true," Youta says. "The Hokage just offered to dismantle the Main House for us? Why?"

Hana sets down her cards. There's no point in continuing when there's a more important game to play. "He doesn't trust Hiashi."

Moriko snorts. "He shouldn’t. If you heard the way Hiashi speaks about him behind closed doors…"

Before Hana can dig for details, Papa raises his hand, cutting off Moriko. She narrows her eyes at him, because dismissing a highkin woman like that would merit punishment under other circumstances.

"I'm not concerned with Hiashi's childish grudge against Sasuke," Papa says. "He wants the Hokage seat. That's no secret."

"And why shouldn't he want it?" Youta asks. "Our clan has ridden on the Uchiha's coattails for generations. It's past time the power in this village shifted."

Hana leans forward. "And what would that change for _us_ , exactly? So Hiashi sits his ass in that uncomfortable Hokage chair, what then? We're still his slaves."

Moriko rolls her eyes. " _Slaves?_ Please. "

Chinatsu glares at Moriko. "My little sister is Hiashi's mistress, and it's not a role she volunteered for. What other word should we use for a girl like her besides 'slave'?"

Moriko looks chastened at that, but she doesn't admit she's wrong.

Kenta taps the middle of his hitai-ate. Right over the Leaf symbol, but they all know that isn't what he's drawing attention to. "At the end of the day, we all have the cursed seal. It doesn't matter if you live in a shack by the river or a three-story home a stone’s throw from the Main House mansion, because all it takes is a snap of Hiashi's fingers to kill us. I'm tired of it. The rest of you are too, or you wouldn't be here, so let's drop the sniping and get down to business. Yeah?"

Hana grins. "Works for me."

From there, it's a matter of negotiation. Because before they're going to overthrow the Main House, everyone wants to know what will be in it for them afterward. It's painfully predictable, so at least Hana was prepared for it.

"I can work with Sasuke on improving our status in the village," Hana says. "He's open to making changes if it will secure our loyalty."

"What about our hierarchy?" Moriko asks. "If there's no more Main House, then highkin and lowkin mean nothing."

"That's part of the appeal," Chinatsu snaps. "I shouldn't get paid less than you just because your grandmother fucked a dead clan Head."

_Shit._ Hana knew better than to invite Chinatsu, but she ignored her gut, and here they are.

Moriko jumps to her feet, but Youta touches her arm and says, "Sit down. She's right. The distinction between highkin and lowkin is only harming us." He shoots a sharp look at Chinatsu and adds, "For the record, my mother had no more choice in whose bed she warmed than your sister does."

Chinatsu ducks her head. "I'm sorry. That was unfair."

Kenta fidgets with his hand of cards, as if they're still playing. "So we get rid of the highkin and lowkin, and the Main House is removed. Who leads us then?"

"Neji," Hana says, before any other suggestions have time to take root. "He's our best shinobi, and everyone respects him. He's highkin, so he's used to shouldering authority, but he's never lorded his privilege over the rest of us. He's intelligent, responsible, and capable. I can't think of anyone better. Can you?"

The others nod along, except for Youta.

"He's young. What, nineteen?"

"Eighteen," Hana has to admit. "But age doesn't matter much for a genius."

"Spoken like a teenager," Youta says.

He smirks at her father, who smiles back.

"She's a strong-minded girl," Papa says.

_Traitor_ , Hana thinks, but not with much heat.

"Neji would lead us well,” she says. “And he's wise enough to listen to more experienced councilors."

"If he's so perfect for the job, then why isn't he here?" Chinatsu asks. "You must have had a reason not to invite him."

Hana sits straighter. This will be the tricky part. "Neji wants to protect the Branch House more than anything, but he does that by staying on Hiashi's good side, and using his influence to shape his uncle's treatment of us. And he won't want to lead—which is exactly why he's the right man for the job. When I bring him here, I need to present him with a united front. If things are in motion, he'll do everything he can to ensure that this coup succeeds."

Everyone starts talking at once, and Hana sighs.

It's going to be a long night.

.

.

Neji feels like he's barely had a chance to settle back into life in Konoha when his uncle gives him orders to return to Suna. Only this time, it's on purely Hyuuga business, and neither the Hokage nor the council will know anything about it. He’ll go to the leaders of the rebellion, along with Haruko Mebuki and Hinata, and deliver a message: Hiashi is offering to return Sakura to the resistance in exchange for his daughter. He promises that no harm will come to Hinata (which Neji doesn't believe for a second), and wants it made clear to the rebels that this offer is from _him_ , not the Hokage.

It’s clever. Dangerous, because Sasuke will never allow such a betrayal to go unpunished, but clever. Whether the rebels ultimately accept this deal or refuse, it will undoubtedly cause discord. Naruto won’t agree, but Minato or Gaara might, and they’ll certainly argue about it. A fractured resistance is weaker than a united one. If they do accept, Sakura's disappearance will infuriate Sasuke, and that loss of temper over his traitor-lover will only alienate him more.

“You leave tomorrow at dawn,” Hiashi says. “As far as Konoha and the Hokage will know, you’re on a mission to Iron Country to assassinate a samurai. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how important it is for you to keep the actual nature of your mission quiet.”

“Of course not,” Neji says.

He accepted long ago that he’s a Hyuuga before a Konoha shinobi.

"There's one more thing," Hiashi says. "It's time that Hinata married. If you succeed in bringing her home, then I'll give her to you."

"Give her to me," Neji says slowly.

He sounds like an idiot, repeating his uncle's words back to him, but it feels like his thoughts are moving in slow motion. Swimming through water so murky it blinds him.

Hiashi will _give_ Hinata to him, like a gift. Or chattel.

"Yes. You can marry her," Hiashi says, as if the matter needs clarifying. "That was always my plan, before the Uzumaki brat stole her."

When Neji fails to answer—because he can barely breathe, much less think—Hiashi goes on.

"I thought you would be pleased.”

"I don't deserve her," Neji says, quite honestly.

Hiashi hums. "You sound like a fool in love. Use that love to make this deal, and she'll be yours."

After Hiashi dismisses him, Neji wanders their compound, his uncle's promises running through his head.

_I'll give her to you._

_You can marry her._

_She'll be yours._

He can't hope for those promises to be fulfilled. Not when Hinata loves someone else. The thought of marrying her against her will makes him feel sick. So, he can't hope. But he also can't stop wishing she might secretly want him after all.

It's like Hiashi said; he's a fool in love.

That night, he has to lie to Hana about his mission, and that stings too. When he can’t be open with anyone else, he can nearly always be honest with her. Now this, like so much else, his uncle has taken from him.

“Iron Country,” she says. “You won’t be back for at least a week.”

“Yes. Possibly two.”

Depending on how long it takes Naruto, Minato, and Gaara to come to a decision.

Hana pouts. “I should have known better than to expect much time with you. This village keeps you busy.”

Neji pulls her closer. They’re still tangled up together, pleasantly sweaty and weak-limbed. A love bite blooms on Hana’s shoulder, a mark he made without meaning to. Self-control is something Neji prides himself on, but he never seems to hang onto it for long in Hana’s bed. It’s been like that since the very beginning.

Two years ago, they didn’t know one another well, despite their mutual connection to Hinata. Hana and her father were disgraced by her mother’s attack on Lord Yousuke, and they’ve kept their distance from the Main House since. As the highest of the highkin, Neji never had much reason to talk to Hana, even though they were classmates in the Academy.

But she distinguished herself as the best kunoichi of the Branch House, and so it was only natural for them to spar together. Neji tries not to let it go to his head, but he knows he’s the strongest shinobi their clan has to offer, after Lord Hiashi. Very few people can offer him a real challenge, but Hana can.

So they fought, and because she’s as fierce in battle as she is everything else, those fights grew passionate. Until one day she kissed him, and they ended up stripping each other out of their clothes right in the middle of Training Ground 12. It wasn’t how Neji imagined losing his virginity, much less taking someone else’s, but he’s been weak for her ever since.

Now Neji kisses her temple, just shy of the seal she refuses to cover. Hana is brazen like that, and he can never decide whether he admires it or disapproves of it. He certainly doesn’t understand it.

“I’ll miss you,” Hana says, her voice shy, embarrassed even.

Neji nuzzles her fine, silken hair. (She has Hinata’s hair. Or perhaps Hinata has hers.) “I’ll miss you too.”

It feels like a lie, even though it’s not. Maybe because he’ll be seeing Hinata in three days, and that prospect thrills him as much as it terrifies him.

He wants her to stay in Suna, where she’s free; and he wants her to come back, where she’ll be with him—be his _wife_. The former is the most selfless and the latter is the most honest, but this isn’t about him. It’s about Hinata, and above all else, he wants her to be safe and happy. That’s with Naruto, the boy she’s wanted since they were children.

Neji knows he’ll always be on the outside looking in, a spectator to Hinata’s love.

Hana snuggles closer, and he realizes that, in a different way, he’s on the outside of her love too.

She deserves better than that, and a kinder man would end this now, but Hana makes him _feel_ like no one else does. And he’s too numb without her to be kind.

.

.

Two days after Neji leaves for his mission to Iron Country, Hana wakes to a bloody bed. Pain twists in her stomach, radiating through her pelvis and lower back. She kicked off the sheets in her sleep, so she can see the dark red stains that wet her underwear and thighs. It’s not her period. Her contraceptive shot put a stop to that when she was twelve—

Her contraceptive shot. Which she took one day late six weeks ago, because she was too frazzled from running the hospital to make her appointment, even though it was in the same damn building. She made sure not to do anything with Neji that could lead to pregnancy until the new shot had time to kick in. But the night before her missed appointment, they made love practically every way there was.

In a vague and distant way, Hana recognizes that she’s having a miscarriage. It’s almost like delivering the news to some other poor woman whose pregnancy is ending, except that she doesn’t have much compassion for herself, the way she would for a patient. This was completely avoidable. She’s a medic, she knows better than to take risks with her birth control, she should have been more careful, should have made that appointment if the hospital was falling down around her, should have—

Hana climbs out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom. She strips out of her clothes, throws them in the sink, and turns on the shower. Hot water, as hot as she can stand, because it might take boiling her skin off her bones for her to ever feel clean again. She stands under the scalding spray and watches the water running down her legs along with the blood. It blushes its way down the drain, like a tiny pink whirlpool. There are—clots. At this point in her pregnancy, the embryo ( _baby_ ) will be about the size of her smallest fingernail, but it’s indistinguishable from the rest of this mess, unless she wants to dig around for it.

Which she definitely does not want to do. But it seems wrong to let her would-be-child wash down a shower drain. Could she even find it if she looked?

Another cramp wracks her back and belly, and Hana staggers against the wall. A sob bubbles up in her throat, but she doesn’t let it escape.

She can survive this. It’s nothing special. Most Hyuuga women experience a miscarriage at some point. The gift of their doujutsu makes pregnancy difficult and risky—as if the byakugan doesn't cause enough suffering already. Really, she should be thankful that this is happening now, and not six months down the road. Stillbirths are so much harder on women than miscarriages.

It might have come to this anyway. She doesn’t want children, and Neji doesn’t want them with _her_ , so why keep it? Why choose to become a mother to an unwanted child?

Maybe that’s why this still stings. Because she didn’t have a choice.

Hana washes herself quickly and mechanically. She can’t think about this. Thinking about it will make it so much more real than just letting it happen. It’s not even that painful, not much worse than the period cramps she had as a pre-teen.

She’ll be fine. She’ll go to the hospital, steal a package of pads from a supply closet, and work. A new batch of genin start training in medical ninjutsu today; they’ll be green as grass and in need of direction, which means half her staff will spend the day shepherding them. The hospital won’t run itself.

It's fine. She’ll be fine.

.

.

Neji's meeting with the rebels goes as badly as he imagined. Naruto fights for Hinata fiercely, which Neji expected. Minato gives the deal real consideration, which doesn't surprise Neji either. What _does_ surprise him is Hinata. She volunteers to return to Konoha. Even knowing that she has to give up Naruto and her freedom; even knowing that she'll have to marry him. Still, she agrees.

It's bewildering—and so brave it's stupid, which is the first thing he tells her once they're alone.

Hinata frowns up at him. "I'm not stupid. I just want to do what’s best for everyone."

"Why does Sakura deserve her freedom more than you do?" Neji asks.

"Because she belongs here and I don't," Hinata says flatly. "When I left Konoha with Naruto, I just thought I was running _away_. I had no idea I was running _to_ something, much less a rebellion. Everyone here resents me, and they should. My selfishness got their family and friends killed or imprisoned. Tsunade has been teaching medical ninjutsu to anyone with the necessary chakra control, and even though I'm better than most, she's losing patience with me because I'm no Sakura. I'm pretty sure Minato hates me—or at least he thinks I'm a bad influence. And the worst part is that he's right. I _am_ a bad influence. Naruto has been reckless ever since w-we—"

She stops, biting her lip.

Neji glances around this cheap room he purchased for the night, anywhere but at Hinata. "Did the two of you…?"

"Oh, n-no!" Hinata says. "We haven't done—that. I can't. It wouldn't be right."

Neji thinks of Hana, and how they've been doing the _wrong_ thing for two years. The risky, taboo, irresponsible thing. Neji knows he should regret it—but he can't, and he wonders if Hinata would be disappointed in him if she knew.

"In the meeting, you said that you believe your father won't hurt you," Neji says. "He's lying, and you know it."

Hinata bows her head, her voice soft when she says, "Yes. I do."

Neji puts two fingers beneath her chin and tilts her face up. Even that slight contact sends heat all over him. It must do something similar to her, because she goes pink from her forehead to her chest.

"When I told you that your father plans for us to get married… you didn't argue. Why?"

_Don't be an idiot,_ Neji thinks. _Don't hope for things you can't have._

"I trust you, and I know you wouldn't hurt me," Hinata says. "If Father made me marry someone, I'd be thankful he chose you."

Neji lets go of her and steps back. "I'm glad to know I'm the least undesirable option."

She makes a hurt noise and reaches for him. "I didn't mean it that way—"

Neji waves away her hand. "I'm not angry with you for loving Naruto. He's a good person, and after the way he fought for you tonight, it's obvious he loves you too. It's the right thing, you staying here."

Hinata looks like she might be about to say something excruciatingly kind, so Neji cuts her off before she can start. "I don't need you to comfort me. You shouldn't have to defend choosing him." He tries to shrug but can’t quite manage it. "We can't help who we love."

Hinata's smile is tender and sad. "No," she agrees. "We can't."

.

.

Three days after her miscarriage, Sasuke asks Hana for a personal favor. Sakura’s birth control shot is about to expire, and she needs a new one. So after work, one of Sakura’s guards escorts her across the village to a little cabin in the woods. It’s nicer inside than Hana expects. Warm, well furnished, and neat. If the rest of the council could see this they’d have a collective heart attack. Half of Konoha’s people have been crammed into shoddy housing in the wake of the uprising, while one of their highest profile prisoners has a downright cozy cabin to herself. Hana likes Sasuke, and she sympathizes with his difficulties, but this strikes her as somewhat distasteful.

Especially considering her purpose in coming here tonight.

Sakura meets her in the living room, and it takes all of Hana’s self control not to show her surprise. Because Sakura looks so well cared for that it’s a bit shocking. Her hair falls to her shoulders, a bit longer than Hana has ever seen it, rosy and damp from a shower. Her skin practically glows, clean and pink. She smells like vanilla and spring, some fancy-scented shampoo or perfume, and her sage green robe is clearly silk. It’s also not particularly modest.

Sakura looks far more like a kept woman than a prisoner.

She smiles, but it’s weak and awkward. “Hey. Thanks for coming.”

“It’s no problem,” Hana says. “Where would you be most comfortable?”

Sakura gestures at the couch. “Here is fine.”

She sits down while Hana sets her medical kit on the side table, opens it, and takes out the necessary supplies: alcohol swabs, a glass vial of the contraceptive, a syringe, and band-aids.

It’s all simple enough, but Hana hesitates. “I have to ask. Do you want this?”

Sakura’s eyebrows raise. “Of course. Now’s not exactly a good time to become a mother.”

Hana’s stomach twinges, but the pain is probably more in her head than her belly.

“I just wanted to make sure it’s your choice.”

Sakura smiles, and this time it’s warmer, more comfortable. “Thank you, but you don’t have to worry. Sasuke wouldn’t make me do something like this if I didn’t want to.”

Hana rolls up Sakura’s sleeve almost to her shoulder, then wipes a spot on her upper arm with an alcohol swab. She sticks the needle into the vial, fills the syringe to the 1 mL mark, and administers the shot. Sakura doesn’t flinch, even though Hana knows how much it burns.

But it’s a small pain compared to the alternative.

Hana puts the used syringe in a medical waste bag and returns it, along with the other supplies, to her medical kit. She’ll throw away the syringe tomorrow at the hospital, where there are the proper facilities to dispose of it.

One little shot just like this one, delivered on time. That’s all it would have taken to keep her from getting pregnant with a baby no one wanted. A baby that she didn’t even know about and that shouldn’t be missed.

“Are you okay?” Sakura asks gently.

Hana looks down at the medical kit she just snapped shut and realizes that her hands are shaking.

“I’m fine,” she says, but the word catches in her throat.

She hasn’t cried over this, and she didn’t plan to, but now tears slide down her cheeks without permission. Sakura guides her to sit down on the couch, which is a good thing, because her knees are about to buckle.

“This is—is stupid,” Hana says between sobs. “I’m sorry. I m-must look ridiculous.”

Sakura makes a shushing noise. “No, not at all. Everyone needs to cry sometimes.”

Hana scrubs the tears off her face. “I don’t.”

She hasn’t cried since she was ten years old, when she watched her mother scream and convulse, foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog as old Lord Yousuke murdered her. That was the day that Hana learned what it truly means to be Branch House.

Caged birds can’t afford to indulge in tears.

“I had a miscarriage three days ago,” Hana says, without meaning to. “I don’t understand why it’s so upsetting. This happens all the time.”

Sakura rubs slow circles between her shoulder blades. “Something isn’t necessarily normal or easy just because it’s common. You’re allowed to hurt, Hana.”

“I don’t have time to hurt. The hospital—”

“Will survive if you take a few days off,” Sakura says firmly. “Trust me, I care about that hospital more than I do most people. I wouldn’t tell you to put it on the backburner if I didn’t think it would still be standing when you come back.”

Hana shakes her head. “I can’t. I’m afraid to slow down, you know? I’ll be okay if I can just keep myself occupied.”

Sakura doesn’t tell her that’s a bad idea, but Hana can feel her thinking it.

“Is the father being supportive?” she asks.

_The father._

That’s what Neji might have been, isn’t it? A father. And a husband, because he’d never dishonor her by letting her carry his child without marrying her.

She doesn’t want Neji to marry her for honor’s sake. She wants…

Things that it’s better not to consider.

“I haven’t told him yet,” Hana says. “He’s on a mission.”

Sakura makes a sympathetic noise. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that is. I hope he returns soon.”

All at once, Hana needs Neji like she needs air to breathe. She’s been going through the motions for days, pretending she’s fine, that she can get through this without him. But she’s not fine, and she can’t get through this without him.

“Yeah. I hope so too.”

Hana wraps her arms around her flat belly, and tries to feel something besides empty.

.

.

Neji returns to Konoha at one o’clock in the morning. The sky overhead is cloudless, clear and star-strewn, the moonlight bright enough that he can navigate his way to the compound without using his byakugan. It’s too late to disturb his uncle with news from Suna, so he’ll report to the Main House mansion first thing tomorrow.

He should go to his own place, but he heads to Hana’s house instead. She lives in a lowkin neighborhood right on the river, so close to the water that heavy spring storms always threaten to flood it. Her home is small and in need of repairs, the siding dingy, garden neglected, but Neji doesn’t mind. She inherited her poverty, like everything else, and it’s no more her choice than the beautiful indigo shade of her hair.

Neji is careful when he uses his key to open the front door because he expects Hana to be asleep, but she’s not. He finds her sitting at her scarred kitchen table, drinking tea from her favorite mug. It’s a little nicked, same as the rest of her things, but she loves it. The glaze on the clay is lavender, Hana’s favorite color.

That’s Hinata’s favorite color too. As far as he knows, it’s the only thing (apart from their looks) that they have in common.

He isn’t here because Hana reminds him of Hinata. Neji doesn’t know what the purpose of his visit is, but that’s not it.

She sets down her mug, stands, and waits for him to approach her.

“You’re back,” she says. Her voice, which is usually so confident, sounds worryingly soft.

“Yes.”

“You came straight here?” Hana asks.

Neji closes the distance between them, cups her face between his hands, and says, “I didn’t want to wait to see you.”

He presses his lips to her forehead, a kiss given without purpose. At least, none he can determine. So much of his relationship with Hana is like that, happening without his control or intention. She trembles as he nuzzles her temple, then nibbles her earlobe.

“Stop,” she says. “I—I can’t.”

Neji strokes his thumbs over her cheekbones. “Is something wrong?”

Guilt gnaws at him, and he wonders if she can somehow feel that he’s lying to her about where he’s been.

Hana closes her eyes. “I’m… not well.”

“Are you all right?”

She looks over his shoulder when she says, “Yes. It’s nothing. I just had a—a miscarriage.”

Miscarriage. It takes a moment for that word to register. He hears the syllables, knows the definition, but the significance doesn’t sink in until Hana pulls away from him. She was pregnant, and now she’s not; they were going to have a baby, and now they aren’t. Hana delivers this news as if it means nothing, but it means a great deal to Neji. And he can tell that it does to her too.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. An empty platitude, but he isn’t sure what else to say.

Hana backs away from him, arms crossed over her stomach. “It’s all right, really. There weren’t any complications, and I didn’t want a baby anyway. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until…”

Neji pulls her into his arms and hugs her. She’s rigid but trembling, her breath coming short.

“I wish I’d been here to help you,” he says. “I hate that you had to go through that alone.”

She sighs, a noise more weary than hurt. “Alone is the only way a woman ever goes through a miscarriage, whether she has a partner with her or not.”

That makes an odd sort of sense, in that he can tell it’s right but doesn’t have the capacity to truly understand it. No man does, he supposes.

“Will you go to bed and just hold me?” she asks.

It’s the most vulnerable he’s ever heard this strong girl, and it hurts to witness.

“Of course.”

Hana must be exhausted, because she falls asleep in his arms within minutes, leaving him with no choice but to think about his near miss with fatherhood.

A baby. He and Hana might have had a baby together, and it would have changed everything between them. Marriage first, of course. Having children out of wedlock is unheard of in their clan, and even if it wasn’t, Neji would never consider abandoning Hana when she was pregnant with his child.

It’s a less upsetting thought than he expects, the prospect of marrying Hana. If anything, the idea feels comfortable, natural.

Although he wants Hinata, Neji isn’t a fool. He’ll never be with her, and even if Hiashi’s plans to pair them off came to fruition, Hinata’s heart would always belong to Naruto. And Hana is a good woman. Smart, capable, powerful, fiercely independent.

He’s never met anyone who belongs in a cage less.

Neji draws her closer. Sleep won’t come, but he doesn’t mind. There are worse ways to spend a night than holding a girl you hope to love.

.

.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this not-so-little oneshot about Neji, Hana, Hinata, and the Hyuuga plot working in the background of The Valley of the End. You don’t need to have read this for the upcoming chapters of TVOTE to make sense, but this oneshot will complement the main story moving forward.
> 
> I already said this on TVOTE, but I’ll say it again here: don’t bother leaving me hate over the NejiHina aspect of this fic, because I’ll just delete it. I really, really super do not care that it’s incestuous. Game of Thrones has inoculated me against being bothered by fictional incest lol, and Naruto canon implies that the Hyuuga typically marry within their clan.
> 
> I’ll probably write more Neji/Hana and Hyuuga-centric stories in this ‘verse, but first more TVOTE! Chapter 19 awaits...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. If you have a minute to spare, please let me know what you thought of this story. :)


End file.
